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Hallé Crackers

A selection of ‘tasteful’ jokes from #hallecrackers on Twitter. Merry Christmas, everyone.

I’m raising money to help melting snowmen. It’s just a slush fund!

why should you never date a tennis player? Love means nothing to them

Why did the choir have to cancel their concert? Because they all caught tinselitus 😂 👍

how do you pay respect to David Bowie this Xmas? By serving a little ziggy pudding

what did the scarf say to the woolly hat? I will hang around here, you go ahead.

why didn’t Roy hodgson go visit Santa and his elves? Because he couldn’t get past Iceland

What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU.

Q: Why did the orchestra not watch the match? A: Because they already knew the score!

What’s the best Xmas present in the world? A broken drum- you can’t beat it! 😂 😂

What’s your favourite carol? Vorderman!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even

What do you call a conductor of the Halle at Xmas… dunno but his name rings a bell

How did Joseph know that Jesus was 4kg when born? A weigh in a manger …

why was santas little helper depressed? he had low elf esteem.

What do you call Santa with no nail file? Santá Claws

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

What do you sing at a snowmans birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow

What do Santa’s helpers learn in school? The Elf-abet!!

How did the turkey make it as a percussionist? He was the only one with drumsticks. 😳

where does Santa send his elves when they get fat? An Elf Farm 😀

Vaughan Williams wrote a piece about a lorry. The Artic Symphony….

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas? A rebel without a Claus.

Why can santa only go at 70MPH in his sleigh? It’s down to Elf n safety

why did the skeleton not go to the Christmas party? He had no body to go with!

who is Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh

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